HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
