She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
