Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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