halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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