Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
