tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
