Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize