My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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