and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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