i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
