Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
