I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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