Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She bit a glass in half.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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