So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
