Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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