drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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