the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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