The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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