the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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