I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
