Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
