Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
