Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if only i could text you this smell
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?