i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
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its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.