I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.