Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
