I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
