I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
