well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
