I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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