mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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