last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
