and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
