just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
