Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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