Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
