Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
