He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
