i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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