He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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