Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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