he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
