NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I did not marry a roomba.
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