How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
