The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
