No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
