I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
