omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize