Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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