Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
