that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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