So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
