The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
