Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
