Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize