It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
