She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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