how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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