I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
