We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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