He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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