I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
