last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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