Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
