I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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