Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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