look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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