I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
