i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
