I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
