they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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