i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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