ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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